Fantasy.of.FusioN.

Junyuan Symphonic Band

2007-01-14T19:23:00.000+08:00

today went on friendster. seeing new photos of my beloved juniors ... suddenly i missed them so much..

saw their souvenirs for cca fair. so cute neh!! ... they draw on the discs. many many designs.. so creative. :P.. better dan us. we only use ice cream sticks and macroni... :P

i guess they must have enjoyed veri much in band... oh.. make me envious. i wanna go back band also!! but.....

anyway.... seeing my beloved juniors so happy.... looking at the photos taken at many events... SYF, concerts, cca fair. i believe dis beautiful memories they wld hold on.. as long as forever. jus how. it had did for me.

Grey's Anatomy

2006-12-26T12:57:00.000+08:00

jus watched the docs. its such a miracle.

to deliver. so many babies at 1 time. 6 !

bad relationships. trust in between.

its just sometimes too much to bear. too much to love.

Kenshu.

2006-12-21T21:45:00.000+08:00

kenshu kenshu!... on the 16th and 17th dec.

i guess it will be the most memorable event of the yr 2006.

*thinking back*... i went 2 kenshu wif a heavy heart. asking myself,"hai, why m i doin dis?". i m not sure. jus noe. its a study training. possible exercises. i dread it. but i dun wan to disappoint any1. so i went.

yet 2 persons. 2 diff incidents. changed my attitude towards the kenshu. completely.

Person no. 1 and incident no. 1......
i had migraine. bad. real bad. rmbered. blurred vision. sleeping. pain. water. milo. and more milo.

worried eyes every where. pple asking. for my symptoms. i had no strength to ans them.

only one.i rmbr. it was realli cold then. but i rmbered her hugs. was comfortable. and heart-warming. (come on, if u are reading dis. pls think straight!lol.) big bright eyes. heavy make-up. "hides away my eyebags..." she always said.cldn't hide away the worried look. the care. the concern. i jus felt i cld find solace in. away from the pain in my head..

i cried. i said. i can't get rid of the pain. she said gently. but firm. " Don't let ur devilish functions overcome u." i jus teared. from the min on. i wanna get better.

Person no.2 and incident no.2

NHR nite.

giddy spells.always attacking her. on top of it. she had so much probs. yet. she always had been my confidante. very strong. yet. dat nite. my confidante. felt weak. sad. as she relates the events. it jus felt heart-breaking. i knew i need to be strong for her dat nite. be strong for both of us.

yes. finally our big show ended. we were elated. we were strong for each other. we made it. it made me felt. yes. dis is our comradeship.

short days for the kenshu. but like the old chinese phrase goes. i realli felt "wu wei bu zhi de ai.." after so much. i m veri touched. and veri happy. my prayer came true. i m fostering veri strong bond wif her. she is no other. my precious wei ling. from now on. i must love her. twice as much as she love me.

my dearest confidante. kai jing. u must be strong. like u had always told me to. u must get well soon. i'll be waiting. jus like old times. we cld laugh so hard. and do crazy things.

2 person. dat meant so much to me. jus painted thru the whole kenshu. a rainbow. of hope for me.

End Of The Yr.

2006-12-18T10:31:00.000+08:00

its a cold cold... monday morning. hugging to 'the pink jacket'. it is so convenient-ly placed on my desk chair.

was running my fingers thru the many pics taken for the whole yr. 2006. hmm. my life realli was revolving. for the bad. for the good. all had.

pple change. i changed. my hair~! had grown longer. the way i looked changed. lol... look at my 2004 pic.. and my 2005 and 2006. Friends that i neva wld imagine i wld keep. i realli wanna thanks them:) esp. tracy. poon. always there. my 'big' sisters. reealli felt loved. elyn. thanks. for letting me believe friendship is possible. so much so we shared our probs tgt. i will cherish it. Kelly. li. di. fiona. shu ling. pple i felt. i fostered strong bonds. rock on u guys!let me realli feel life can be so free!

yup,for the past yr. i had cried enuff. laughed alot. grew thru probs. esp thru my attachments. my frens. be it for worse. for good. i m glad. i haf been there. done that. and moving on:)

believe wad's it is yet what's not

2006-12-05T19:34:00.000+08:00

messed up life.

wad i ever did neva goes rite. shit. damn. sometimes i jus wish i cld walk out of my life.

pls stop helping me. i can't even help myself.

i noe. sorry is not enuff... i cannot erase the hurt i inflicted on u. sometimes i wished u cld haf help others and let them shine perhaps u'll be happier and filled wif pride now.

another day yet

2006-11-20T20:50:00.000+08:00

i discovered something really interesting today.

tracy said i had the best mum in the whole world. someone who realli realli care so much for me even betta dan my brother. yeah?

there is so much to think for, so much resentment. dat i had against my mum. perhaps. i haven done enuff for her. chanting for her utmost happiness doesn't seemed good enuff. i need action.

how to put aside and truely understand my mum? and how to let my mum to truely understand me? how?

issit. gonna be when 1 day i leave my mum dat i noe how to cherish?

nam-myoho-renge-kyo

2006-10-13T21:36:00.000+08:00

taking report. on a thurs morning. jus tired. jus jus tired. a change over from aftrnn shift. lucky dad sent me to work.

thot my day wld be kinda sian. and slow. saw her took out beads. a brown, realli old set of beads. the same twisting. at the centre. she placed her palms tgt. jus i like i did when i chant. thot to myself, " cannot be. such a coincidence?".

din put too much thot.

finally. i was free in the late morning. walk on over to her. i asked in mandarin, " aunty, u r a buddhist?" she nodded. i asked again," wad sutra u chant?" a blur look on her face. "nam-myoho-renge-kyo!" she said. i replied," me too! i chant too!" kinda excited.

to noe. is a kinda of spirit booster. not many in the hosp . noes bout soka. but to noe 1 soka member. i dunno. i felt. i m not alone. struggling. struggle to go to work every morning. and maintain my spirit to perform well in my attachment. n more of. "less complaining". but dis aunty . is my patients. she is veri strong. very cheerful even she is a patient.

my driving force to carry on my day well~

:neuro ward:

2006-10-13T21:18:00.001+08:00

came back to the my dear old ttsh.

but interesting. i m posted 2 a neuro ward. hmm. wad's dat ? its gotta deal wif the brain man! epilesy (fits), cranioplasty ("fixing the skull back"), drug abusers, very very...confused patients.

been here 1 week. protocols changed. the other thing dat changed was. i m yr 2. i felt i been left alone to "walk"... staff nurses let us handle things ourselves. it ain't a bad thing. i felt more confident instead.

today is the last day of the weeek. i jus thot, "great! last day~" felt tired. so is the rest. complaints r never ending from others. had tons of complaints myself.but well. dis time. i decided to keep it inside me. :)

:neuro ward:

2006-10-13T21:18:00.000+08:00

fall:nise purple!

2006-10-06T13:06:00.000+08:00

funny thing is..

2006-10-06T12:32:00.000+08:00

met up wif lum soon mei... ytd! heehee!!..

all i can sae is dat we jus went crazy >.<

so tired yet met up.. great!! for thousand lifetimes to come! we wear the same colour?!.. we din even arrange to wear the same colour. pure coincidence! purple! haahaha.. i felt we were look on by pple on the streets.. they must thinking," siao ar... dis 2!" hmm. well. no time to bother..

went to spotlight to get my felt paper.. and many many other things lo! whoa. 1st time i shop at spotlight. buttoons... beads... paints... hahahaha.. i m excited! i wonder.. denise is crazy?! gosh.. i realli caaaannnnn spend ..i spent 40 bucks over!! hahaahaha.. but i guess..its worth it... i can make... cool craft works! hang it up.. haahaha put my mani pics.. decorate them. heehee!

finally. i m done wif spotlight.. walk wif soon mei... go kinokuniya..forevea take me on exercise. okok. its good .. but i m veri tired after shopping! spare me! well. i noe her. she still take me .. to walk.

events fast forward. sat 65 bus back to tamp! go find her skirt at dis fashion! hahahaha.. gosh. i reali feel sad for her. dun haf the skirt she want! hai. dunno wad to do.. lucky she found something to appease her. lol.. lucky it all ends well..

hmm. i can't believe.. we can still be so close .. even if we dun see each others for so long... perhaps. dis is wad's so call friendship. hahahha.. and its happening to me. hee .. i m so lucky.

trace: nise

2006-10-04T21:25:00.000+08:00

Tracy

2006-10-04T21:16:00.000+08:00

i m kinda "delayed" in blogging. ah... too lazy. but dun wan to forget writing bout beautiful memories dat i experience.

met tracy on monday. haven seen her for quite awhile. whoa. lotsa catching up to do.. hahahaha..... i m "rewarded" wif a hug! when i saw her.. lol.. din expect dat. quite cool...

we tok and tok.. both of us r still so pervertic! gosh! when we will stop being pervertic?! hahah! anyway. we walked and walked. hmm. had lotsa fun! shopping round at mini toons! so big.. got the same voodoo doll! went to eat at "Anderson's " ice cream! so sweet and made me realli cold...Grrrr... hahahaha.. took some realli wonderful pics ard our short "date" .. jus great!

my lil' princess

2006-09-22T21:49:00.000+08:00

today. was the last day of attachment in wrd 86.. went in wif a heavy heart.

dan i saw dis lil baby! gosh.. so small.. sleeping in the cot. at the nurses' station. thot most prob. mummy bathing. ask the staff nurses to look after.

well. dis baby gal is special. but mummy cannot be ard her at this very moment. yeap. so young. mummy not there... but.. we... i mean us student nurses! realli cuddle her soo much.... i think she's loved by all of us!

alot of 'first times' happened to me. lol.. my whole life. 1st time i carry a neonate! 1st time. i change diapers for a baby. 1st time i fed her milk wif a bottle. 1st time i "burped" her. 1st time i bathed her!!.. gosh. i was realli trying to be as gentle!

1st time. i cuddled her, my lil' princess:)

the last pages of the chapter

2006-09-22T21:34:00.000+08:00

attachment had finally come to an end!! yes!!.. now i m looking forward to the 2 wks hols.

i haf realli learnt alot dis week. realli gotta be patient.'active' wif the children. hahaha... but i m loving it by the min. i realli lurve children! be it neonates. toddlers *they r the cutest* and young children. the innocence in their eyes. heehee... it realli melts my heart.

wad i realli hate it. the children all haf their parents ard.. =( dun dare go near. and there is seriously nothing to do at times!

hmm. but the most impt thing. it realli spurs me on. on why i decided to be in nursing. to realli care for dis sick children. see them smile again. see them grow. see them sae "bYe bYe!! hello!!" hahaha... big round round eyes... starring at u....

dis chap of my attachment. my life. realli meant alot to me.

long week.

2006-09-17T10:35:00.000+08:00

i jus woke up. felt as though i slept for a long long time. whoa. i m soo tired. wif my attachment. at paeds.wif my meeting prep. it feels like i had bu chang the "not enuff sleep" in the week :P

well. attachment.was boring... alot things we cannot do. giving med. bathing the infants. alone. no no. but i understand. so i jus take the vital signs. hahaha! sometimes i m lazy. yr 2 onli. i m lazy. wad well become of me when i m realli out there working?! dis atttitude must change!!!

hmm. inst meeting ended ytd at tbsc. whoa. it was a success. meeting went realli well. no hiccups. lol....i even brought poon along.. hee! whoa. i din noe she wld agree unconditionally. then.. my game. snakes and ladders bcome "butteflies and worms" lol...aww.. it's kinda of violent. as proclaimed by most. *evil grins* but well. i hope no 1 is injured real badly. lol... i guessed evry 1 had fun! i hope poon alsohad fun there. and truely learn something:P

had a long talk wif wei ling after the meeting. yes. i realli realli feel i so xing fu. whoa. if she is a guy jiu hao le *evil grins* hahahaha. hmm. why so xing fu? i haf a IIC wif me.. yes. dun haf 24 hrs. got 9 hrs ... the remaining is seriously for me to go hm sleep! so i had spent my waking hours wif her! hoho! i guess i realli dunno how to appreciate lo. whenever i haf probs. she will be there. but for others. not likely always. yup.. its time. i reallli must promise her. i can perform betta. i must realli treat her betta lo. cos she's everything she said. She said " I m fun, lovable, cute, successful..." hahaha.. i haf veri weird IIC. lol. i hope she's not reading dis. but well. my prayers work u noe. i m realli close wif her. to share the innermost thots i haf. and most impt. i haf grew to like her even more. of cos.. as a fren!

wad a great week!

to be at a new environment.

2006-09-04T18:46:00.000+08:00

attachment starts again!

kinda of excited dis morning. cos. i had waited for more than a year to try out gynae. paeds. obsterics.

yet. so much for the lovely babies and children. dat i dream to see. hmm.well things always has its ugly side. i haf been posted to a abortion unit. pls some miscellanous. cases. :P but in gynae. sister orientated us to the ward. sometimes its saddening. to hear bout the procedures of abortion. the process. is realli .. unsightly. difficult to hear. difficult to accept.

young pple ard my age. jus walk into the ward. and jus simply go for abortion. where's the life dat is literally living in them? had they thot abt it. abt the consequences. when they had so much fun?

haf they seen young little children suffer? i jus saw 1 today. barely 3 yrs old. he had a NG tube from his nose. head bulging. yet. pple jus get rid of life liddat. perhaps... there r many reasons . for them to gif up the baby living in them. yet. i believe they feel hurt when baby is aborted.

well. i need to be strong. after today. wadeva i saw. dis is life. it seemed to gave alot of strength to me. for wanting so much to take care of dis little children. neva to gif up on them. and be the beacon of light in their. i asked myself. m i able to be dat. future i dare not say. but now. i will do my best.

out wif kelly.

2006-08-31T23:27:00.000+08:00

out wif kelly

2006-08-31T22:58:00.000+08:00

today. whoa..ouuchh!! trying to type.. i jus injured my arm today..was suppose to go out wif kelly de... took the bus.. standing standin. a sudden jerk! the buse stop. i swinged to 1 side. ooohhh.. no... my arm! suddenly. i lose sensation. looked at it. my joint. suddenly shifted so front. gosh. i cldn;t think. all i noe is PAIN! i pushed it back. gosh. it hurts like *speechless*. for the nez moment. it hurt.

still went to meet kelly. despite the pain. cos is a real rare chance to meet her lo. dis bz woman! hahaha.. must book in advance jus like sm. lol..raining cats n dogs today. cldn't do much. i din wanna fall.. on the wet flr.. hahah.. so well. went to the nearest cineleisure to eat..aiyo. i can onli say 1 sentence. it is a weird restaurant.

ate finish. still raining. decided to go PS. in the midst~ we took train. i noe. so near. still take train! siao! but.. i realli realli dun wan to fall.. lol.. okok... dis is where the fun begins!! we jus sit there.. took pics after pics!! all kinda funny faces. we made... take n take.. like no one's business. went to mac... not to eat jus take pics!! lol. i think.. the pple there must sae. zhan wei onli! hmmp!

hahaha. though the day was short.i realli cherish the time wif kelly. yes! pics to rmbr our outing~yo~~

28 aug

2006-08-31T22:44:00.000+08:00

together. wif jing si.

2006-08-31T22:23:00.000+08:00

28 aug: went out wif jing si! shopping and shopping neh! 1st time. goin out wif her apart for goin meetings. and daimokukai. wah nan de!

ahh...shopped for kenji's present. we realli dunno wad to buy for him. lol... walk up n down tamp mall. still dunno. dan jing si. kept telling me. " We must put Benji's pic on his card!!"... muahahahaha...dan gave up for awhile.. i went shopping again. low in cash. somemore still shop! nvm. i went.. and bought slip-on.. black! so nice! is butterfly neh! wanna get the leaf 1 .. but it look weird. the leaf too short. dan make my feet look so so long! dan.. continue. ahh.. dan we finally found the gift for kenji!! ahh. the yellow voodoo! gosh. y i chose dat.
hahaha. cos. it look so kenji. when he acted 'adolf hitler'. so fierce! lol.. but it is cute. so small. hahaha... hope he likes it!

dan.. i decided to look ard.. for clothes! well. dun haf. so neva buy.haiyo.. walk n walk to CS. whoa! i cannot believe it. i saw the bag i finally finally wan ar!! lol! so nice!! but so ex... anyway. i can't resist. so i bought it! yeh...

hmm. goin out wif jing si. is fun. maybe to me.. i hope she had fun too. so weird. i used to hate her in band. but we actually can now. sit. down. she is a realli hyper gal. so diff from me.. noe how to joke. sometimes. quite lame lo! but sure made me laugh till i drop. truely drop. hahaha. hmm.she's a realli great gal. thanks alot jing si!!!

Gelare

2006-08-30T22:21:00.000+08:00

27 aug.

went for the discussion meeting. in chinese neh! challenging. well. went to support wei ling. meeting went well. i like the puppet show. simple yet its funny. the voices so real. lol... nice food neh!everything think of food. hahaha~

dan. went out. to PS. wif wei ling. we had lotsa fun nor! eat and eat... at Gelare! i neva eat such a huge bowl of ice cream b4.hahaha maybe got bigger 1. but. the bowl seriously "big" for me! take pics take pics..

hmm. shan't sae so much. pics speaks more dan my words!

27 augs

2006-08-30T22:06:00.000+08:00

26 aug Pics

2006-08-30T21:54:00.000+08:00

A new begin.

2006-08-30T21:05:00.000+08:00

hmm. interesting title ya?
i wld like to start on the 26 aug. cos it was mine 18th birthday!..ahh.
it holds a veri meaningful and impt day of my life.
26 aug 2006

woke up. bathe. asking myself , "why on earth i wake up so early?" oh. i rmbr "i got CIC training today n i involved in the skit!" my heart jus raced.

got ready to go to Soka Youth Centre. for my training. still exhuasted. *yawns* but i thot "waking up early on bday ain't bad, @ least i enjoy more time on my bday". yup. tried to be positive. well. i was late. i took a cab down to tamp mrt. thot my day will be so sian...

then.. my day began. met wei ling. we had mac hotcakes. yummy. but cldn;t finish. we tok.. and tok. she surprised me wif my 1st present! i lurve it!! lol... dan. it was off to the CIC training by 11am.

whoa... the training last till 5 plus in the afternn. details are much. too little space to write. but the day went great! CIC training was a success! i acted in the skit. it protrays the insane denise. but hey! i enjoyed it ok! haha!

dan. the day came to a wrap. i had another surprise. NYPSD. got me a cake! *i din tell them my bday*..whoa! hahahaha... somemore. my fav! mango cake neh! can u imagine! yup.. we took pics and more pics!! .... sang songs n more songs!:)

well. it was a realli meaningful day. though dat day started slow. but i did enjoyed! although din get to spend dat day wif my frens.but nypsd.still made my day.neva in my life. i felt so cared for. loved by. yups. but they me felt loved. nothing can describe it. dis special pple. r realli worth to keep. i realli want to be like them. concern so sincerely for others.

esp. jing si.wei ling. they r 2 veri special pple . dat i will keep them close in my heart. for they had cared so much for me. wif no reasons. and asking no rewards. they. r the ones. tgt wif nypsd. made a diff in my life. dat day. thank u! love u peeps! of cos not to 4get my realli good pals!thank u.

Denise is Back!

2006-08-30T21:02:00.000+08:00

whoa.. wad a long long while.. i haven blogged. well. this is off to a new beginning! tried to set up a new blogskin. properly. indeed! i succeeded! wif kelly's n shu ling help of cos!.. ahh..

attachment is over

2006-08-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

yes. attachment is finally finally. over. well. the days of waking up so early for 7am shifts is gone.hahaha. aching in the legs. can be avoided. for now.

i realli truely enjoyed dis 3 weeks. peaceful. guess.. i been blessed huh. i haf a peaceful life in the ward. the staff nurses are all realli nice. heartwarming. every1 basically is nice. including the doctors :) hahaha. it was jus great.

besides. i realli learnt alot from dis people. aww.. jus wanna gif them all a hug! hahaha. esp. charlotte. emme. rosaline. whoa, dis pple are realli dedicated. towards caring for the patients. though sometimes. veri strict. i do understand. but all in all ... they realli taught us lotsa stuff. veri patient. i realli wanna thank them wif all my heart. hmm. dunno when i will see them again?

well.. well.. the pretty babes. and handsome haf come to town. hahahaha. esp like dis cute cute pple. heehee... zhanghui annabele! joy!! hahahaha.. always come pinch me. hmmp! hahaha!having dis pple ard.. realli made my attachment truely fun! heehee..

well... pple come and go in life. we must always look forward. perhaps, down the road. i wld see them yet again. always miss them! but we gotta move on. i believe beautiful days. will neva end. as long as we remain positive de~ and yes. friendships neva change as long as we haf each other in our hearts.

The Lake House

2006-08-05T23:38:00.000+08:00

yeh! i watched the show ' The Lake House' hahahaha! so happy...

shan't sae the details. but well. its worth to watch.

the ending is great lo!

hahahaha. it jus sets u thinking. bring u around a fantasy.

but well. dis show is jus great. maybe becos i like sandra bullock! but well. after the show. 'wah, can be real dan good le...' but some pple commented "chey, how can it be real?!"plss.. let me indulge in the fantasy 1st b4 slapping me back to reality. hahaha... its proves the show is nice. hahaha! must watch!!

oh..in the show. waiting for each other is truely a torture.pls leave out the waiting period. pls. its too long...
hahaha...

but must go watch the show. its realli interesting!

to be or not to be?

2006-08-05T23:06:00.000+08:00

i m starting to worry again. yet again. hai...... wad's wrong wif me. always worryin. i think i need a psychologist! lol....

hmm. jus came back home from movie watching. and shopping. gees. time past realli quick. so fast. its sat. 2nd week. of attachment. its gone! i haven study for exams yet! case study on the hold. damn. wad m i doin?? stress.. stress...

another thing. i m goin to be a CIC on 12 aug! sld i b happy? or sld i take it as it comes? u noe. its soo easy to tell u. i wld try to be a CIC. i realli dunno wad to expect. i m realli afraid. of wad? of myself. i haven been an active member for years. my faith wavers. even thouugh i haf benefits.

but on the other hand, i like goin for soka meetings now. it is a sense of inspiration. yes. i always go there whenever i m down to seek encouragements. and dun go. when i m prob free. wei ling said it sld not be dis way. ya u r rite. it sldn't be.

hmm. but then again. i find it so hard to trust. wad i m reading in the gosho. in the books. i mean. issit true? i noe i sldn;t doubt. i haf so much of benefits from chanting. but well. the ques always pops up. i beg ur pardon. but well. pple in the organization are soo soo nice. pple outside in the society is so diff. sometimes. i realli duuno who to trust. izzit ok to trust pple again? when will i pull down my barrier and believe the other is truely caring for me?i don't want to get hurt again.

soo many things to learn. so much doubts. m i up to become a CIC? am i up to encourage others? i dun want to end up a failure once again. no way.

hmm.

to reflect

2006-07-30T14:03:00.000+08:00

friday, 28/7 and sat, 29/7 i learnt.

friday. i m realli glad. i haf a chance to share wif elyn bout soka activities. truely great. such opportunity is so rare. therefore, i haf to cherish it. hmm.

at nite. followed wei ling. to go Daimokukai. it has been a long time. i been to a daimokukai. to chant for an hr for shirley's recovery. time passed so fast then. so it showed dat i enjoyed dat hr of chanting, though it was not for myself. jus glad dat i did a part for shirley. dan there was a sharing of guidance by 1 of the Young Women's Division leader. So good. she went to see sensei! alot of pple dun get to see him in person. well. she went to japan. where sensei is. inspirational. i thought of her experience. i jus lurve 1 of her guidance. it realli hit me. She said something liddat. " As long as u stand up, roads wld open for u. opportunities will arise" thinking of the time spent in the ward. learning things. my last entry actually i said. i wld standup. dun wan to be timid anymore. well, i did. i realli realli learnt alot of things. though compared to tracy and kelly. in NUH. they seemed to learn alot than me. well. i ain't bad. it was a tremendous step forward. i actually talk to the staff nurses like my frens. no longer afraid of them.done dressings and hypocount. after i opened my mouth to ask. hahaha. i m happy.

sat. i went to visited shirley. wif wei ling. it was such a long ride to NUH. saw shirley. she wasn't realli happy. when we 1st saw her. perhaps, it was the boredom dat jus overwhelmed her. can't blame. well. she did cheer up though. hahaha. after lotsa talking and i did something funni. hahaha. i was already bored after an hr. took a stethescope and play wif it. listen to shirley heartbeats and wei ling's too. they jus laugh so loud. hahaha. perhaps. i cldn't get it in the 1st attempt. hahaha. must look silly. well, it was worth it. at least i made shirley laughed so hard for the nite. hmm. everything realli end late in the nite.

was so tired when i reached hm ytd. hmm. but it was meaningful weekend for me :)

after a week

2006-07-29T11:25:00.000+08:00

today. i haf 10 mins to blog.

finished 1 week. of attachment. at ward 12D. i sld sae. it was more than satisfactory. for the 4th time. i m goin to 12d. ortho ward. wif ENT cases too. familiarise. toooo familiar wif the staff. but the good thing is. we get better and better wif the staff. itsgood.

hmm. dis time. i m filled wif vibes. i dun wan to laze ard anymore. or too afraid to ask ques. i goin b thick-skinned. well. i succeeded.

did lotsa lotsa dressings also. why ar. it seems like as though it is not goin to end. esp ytd. me and elyn neba go for break till 1230. soo hungry.. besides. we each did a hypocount. i gave insulin!!yes.. all thanks to the esp nice clinical instructor. she go 'snatch' the chances for us!! =x hahaha!

well. all in all. it was great. patient care still the same. hopefully it will jus continue to be liidat.

a guidance said b4. as long as we dare to stand up. in the face of obstacles. roads will be open for us. yes. it did open for me.

phrase

2006-07-21T22:02:00.000+08:00

ogni parola, il mio amore..... i jus lurve dis phrase. heehee

Band Pics 3

2006-07-19T20:38:00.000+08:00

Band Pics 2

2006-07-19T20:17:00.000+08:00

Band Pics 1

2006-07-19T20:14:00.000+08:00

Beloved Juniors

2006-07-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

my beloved juniors, i noe u are quite sad over the competition.

but you noe. dun habour too much hatred. or feel too sore about it. cos. as long as you got sincerely put your heart in wadeva you do. results. realli dun matter. we had sweat, fun and excitement and laughter. it is all dat it matter.

My Clarrie World

2006-07-19T18:40:00.000+08:00

i noe. it is kinda delayed. i jus finised my National Band Competition!! wif my sec sch. JYSS. on sat 15 july? 4 days ago. whoof!! great experience! i m loving it!

dat day. dressed all in black. dress code. for alumini. reached ard 1030? yups. hahaha. so tired. assemble our instruments. tuned up. ate lunch. with a series of noise. confusion everywhere. we finally got on the coach buses. the way to Victoria Concert Hall! excitement awaited us. hahaha. cos. the day we waited for had come! thinking of it. my juniors were all jittery. except. me. delayed reaction i guessed. participated too many performances and competitions in the past.

dan we reached VCH. interesting. hmm. the once familiar sight not so long appeared. diff bands were waiting. nervous band members in combinations of blue vest and yellow shirts. green blazers and white skirts. my favourite scottish skirts some were wearing.my sch. happens to be in black. black red blazer and black skirt. hahaha. whoa. bands from sch like Chung cheng, Cedar Girls', Tanjong Katong. whoa. it is starting to make me more nervous. gritting my teeth. hope we wun flopped during the competition.

hmm. great. it was our turn. led to the prep room. we tuned to a concert b flat note. and we all warmed up. soon. it was ready

we walked and walked to the holding area. heard the band b4 us. behind the closed doors.i jus tried to shut the music out. dan the music ended. we were given green light to go up. ahh.... ok ok... now i m reall nervous.. lalalalalalala....

1st song up is a march. stars and stripes. whoa. we were louuuudddd!!...the audience woke up. the judges i heard. moved to our beat. whoa. i was stunned. last time. we were always called the second time band. always timid on the 1st time, loud on the second. well, dis time we did it! yeh!!!

2nd song. was fate of the gods! inspirational. i lurve dis. cos. we did realli make it. One Band, One sound. instruments up. on the climax of the song. so that it wld loud enuff. and clear enuff. we neva forget.oohh!! i was so touched. and proud at dat moment. conductor.. well he realli put in alot of effort to conduct dat moment. he was perspiring soo much. heehee.

anyway. it ended as quickly as we started. noe i understand one saying. tai shang 3 fen zhong, tai xia shi nian gong. yes, it is. i was so proud dat day. well. in a nutshell. i knew our results. we got a silver! hmm. my juniors were hoping we cld get a gold. and they were sad. ba. after we knew we got silver. but for me. i m not sad. jus neutral. perhaps a tinge of happiness. why?

hahaha.. like i told alot of pple. i wanted to find the happiness i used to lived in when i was playing music in the past. well. dat day onwards. i knew i found it. it wld not be possible if not for my juniors largely. thanks peeps! my clarinetists! they formed my 'clarrie world'.. i feel soo happy. blessed. peaceful once more. wif music to live in me again.

wad a time!

2006-07-18T22:33:00.000+08:00

once again... i am back online! wad a long time.

hmm. so bz dis daes..no time to blog. lazy. i guess. much more. today i soo free~~ haven been liddat for quite some time. able to sit back on the lazy afternn. looking at the window-to the sky-dunno wad to write. well. it beats having a book in my hand.mugging.haha! whoo! Great!

i was thinking. sld i jus 'vomit' everything dat happened? well. nah. no. its too boring. by the time u read to the final fullstop of dis paragraph. u r ZZzzzzZZ... anyway. life is still the same. peaceful. some hiccups here and there. tests after tests. dan till my individual project. guessed i did all alrite. but something major did happen. ah! my CPR assessment. gosh. it was tough. but well. wif my 'ichinen' and kind hearted lecturers. i did alrite. hmm. wad a great relief!

life lessoons. it will neva fail to befall me. dotdotdotdot. hahaha. learn again bout friendship. sometimes i wonder. m i too demanding? asking too much? realli. do i noe how to care. where do i stop caring? teach me. sigh. self reproach. i noe. but . it is jus time. i realli hope i can be a fren. who noes. the answers to my ques. i guess, perhaps one day i wld learn. jus waiting for dat day to come.

hmm for now. life still goes rite. realli feel dat i am like on neva ending river. tired. of rowing the boat. well. it has come to a stop now. temporary. recharge time! hahhhaha.. dann... its attachment. wonderful... (evil grins)

a Free Spirit

2006-06-28T21:13:00.000+08:00

today. class at 10am! yeh... so early ..

had to go back junyuan again. to join them for band prac. whoa. i m so 'good' hahaha! b4 dat. i went back hm to rest 1st. dan who noes. i fell asleep. gosh. woke up late. suppose be there at 245. in the end. reach there at 330. haiyo! nvm.

hahaha .. anyway. at band prac. it was fun. same la always joke wif my juniors. and laugh like no 1 business! i always loved it. hahahaaha. combined prac was ok. jus dat the percussion is veri loud leh!! but okie la.. the music . i jus love it. it makes my spirit soar! hahaha! hmm. free! to infinity and beyond! (quote Buzz Lightyear!)

picking up speed.

2006-06-27T12:22:00.000+08:00

well.. welll.... sch re-opens again!

the 2nd day. gee.. how i wish holidays cld jus be longer. cos.. i m still soo tired ar... hahahahaa..

but well. ever since i came back..these 2 days jus went thru wif a breeze. phew! hhahaha... hmm.. well. haf been praying hard all will go well when i start sch. so dat it wld be a spirit booster for me.

well... it did!! haha!! my prayers worked! i m so happy.

1st day of sch ytd. haha. class ended fast. went out shopping wif tracy. bought myself a pair of sandals. the type dat realli cost like 100 bucks++ in HK argh! but! i got it ar 29.95! so cheap already. hmm of cos not branded. hee.. something funny happened too. tracy. she said " Go out wif u ar, everytime will spend $$!!" heehee!!! yeah...but well. it is nice.is a brown pairs of heels. looks pretty on u lo, tracy! hahaha. u sld indulge and indulge in such lesiures! heehee! well. when is enuff. i m sure u noe when de la! dan went hm. sat 969 from woodlands. hmm. suchh lonng ride ar. hai.. lotsa pple "swaying here and there" be it standing or seating. all dozing off!! whoa. dan finally reach tamp. carry so many things. wanna hurry up get down the bus. hp dropped on the seat! aso dunno. haiyo! lluckily got a kind soul tell me. felt so bad. i jus took my hp and go. neva said thanks! aiya! nvm nvm. i jus pray she will get rewads. cos kindness begets kindness. yup!

today, 2nd day. my bio pract testis out! haf been praying hard. dat it will pass. seriously.. frankly sppeaking from the truth. i felt that it was a total hell. rmbering sitting down there trying to guess all the answers. but well. my prayers worked again. wah! i m soo relieved i did pretty well. hahaha!

hmm.i cld dat dis are great! sincerely praying. i got my benefits. i haf to give thanks when i go hm lo! hahahaha... well. saave my laughter 1st. lotsa challenges ahead. wif exams. tests. projects. competition together wif my juniors. my jyss band. my violin concert( yeh postpone to Nov. which means i can practise and join them!) hee. whoa. and finally attachment. and being a CIC.

hope i can fight bravely throughout all of these obstacles! i must!

SnapShot Of HK

2006-06-25T14:05:00.000+08:00

The days In HK

2006-06-25T12:53:00.000+08:00

hmm.. its been 4 days since i came back from my trip to HK.. hahaha. yet too lazy to blog. jus so tired ....

i can sae it was fun onli. perhaps. the part to disneyland. shopping. hmm not fun whenever, we haf to be on the road. find places to eat. haizz...cos it soooo pollutivvee... every1 can smoke anywhere. including posh restaurants. aww.. gosh.... jus jialat. streets are realli dirty lo. litters eveerywhere. wif me. ard. i jus hate the litter bugs. argh! and hate the smokers' bugs!

well. well. well. hahahaha...seems i didn't enjoy my trip. nah. not entirely. perhaps i sld sae. the enjoyment part was alittle more than the "un-enjoyable" part? hahaaha.. yups. jus rememebered when i reach there. i had a culture shock. despite me being a chinese and somemore a cantonese. i cannot realli understand wad on earth the people are saying!haiyo! hmm.. but dan. out the airport it was raining. but well. the view was nice. cos the airport was built on an island. i think it was lantau island? realli closely to alot of mountains. when it is raining there seems to be like a snowcap on the peaks of the mountain wor. nice nice. haha.

well. well. i did went up to 1 of the mountain peak. name. victoria peak. in the nite. thankfully, neva rain le. or else will be too misty. it was realli great! saw the whole of HK island! spectacular view. hmm.. 4 the fact dat the buildings were lined wif neon lights. reallipowerful. whoa. dan keep changing colours. hahaha... i m feel soo childish but well. i m truely amazed!

dan it was the next day. disneyland!! yeh!! hahahaaa... u noe wad. initially i thot. chey! i neva cartoons or anything cute. will disneyland be too childish for me!? but. it proved me wrong. whoa. haven walk inside. realli feel i had returned to my childhood. disneyland songs.playing all ard me. walking on the long pathway. lined wif lamposts. hung portraits of hercules la... little mermaid.. snow white.. hahaha jus nice!! dan at the entrance leh! whoa 1 huge cute whale! whoa... fun fun... dan... went in..... hahaha...staffs dressed like little palace maids la..hahaha. so cute. dan.. the wagon driver. dress like railway man! hahahaha... i jus llike 1. haha. the security guards! haaahaha soo cute! dress like those police man in the cartoons!! heehee..they wore. white police uniforms. their headgears. whoa seh. like the cook wear de hat.. nt the tall tall. dat shorter 1 dat puff up like a pie. hahaha!

next. hahaha. we went to the tomorrowland! whoa seh. almost 'died' dere. haha my bro ask me to sit the rollercoaster. kill him! i thot like science centre liddat. onli the chair move sia. bt dis 1 like the "panasonic" ride in escape! argh. i soo scared sia. turn and turn in the dark. so so fast. gosh! dan some parts got open my eyes. not so cham! hahaa... but well. it realli made me queasy. luckily i neva vomit sia. argh! realli not 4 the faint-hearted denise tan! hahaha.. hmm. wellwell. dan went on to many worlds. i jus lurve the jungle world. hahaha dunno wad is the real name la. haha.. got tarzan treehouse. whoa. dan watched the lion king's celebrations. it is jus great. it is so me. i jus lurve to be close to nature. i jus keep taking pics. in the treehouse. hmm. dan. we went to other lands. in disney. dan alot alot la dun wanna sae so much it is for u to find out! dan took the disney train back. jus soo cute!

finally it was wednesday.went to visit the buddha at dis place called the "dai yi sang"! the way there super bumpy la. took a local cab up. i almost had a shock when the cabby said the place was on the other side of the mountain! ar! i will get car sick! haha. but thankfully i got a secret weapon! haha. 1 of the tour guide used to said. if we r goin up a realli curvy road. put ur head back on the headrest. haha. i used it. truely enuff. it work! we reached the place. the buddha. it was huge! so high. i must clim 100 steps. but well. i did!! hahaha.. they said dat anita mui's tablet is inside the buddha. i went there stood there. paid my respects to her. yups. dan followed up went outside the buddha. walked ard the buddha. the view down spreading across the horizon was so breathtaking!!

finally. it was down to more shopping lo! hahaha... wed nite. walked ard the famous place called nu ren jie! hahaha.. super lotsa things 2 buy. la. but i hate it there was becos. wah the smelly tofu!! smell like sewage in sg man!! argh!! i jus held my breath evrytime i walk there. hai! dan got a place call "ball shoes street" hahaha. bought shoes there hahaha!! every1 started 2 tok to me in cantoneses haiya. wad. telling me here got discounts there got discounts. hahaha! yups ... bought alot of stuffs....

finally it was time to go hm. on thurs. frankly speaking. i was realli looking forward back to sg. cos. well. i think i wld not get use to life in HK. sg is realli cleaner. realli a garden city compared to HK. i can still see greenary. places r clean here. taxi freaks like me wun get conned here. hahaha. compare to HK cabs. they will take u ard for rides jus like my dad said. hmm.. smoking is soo getting banned here! so that pple are healthier. hahaha! but well. the experience in HK was an eye-opener. neva deny it was fun!! hahaha. waiting to go elsewhere next time! dan it wld be to japan!! hahaha...

Me In HK

2006-06-23T22:41:00.000+08:00

http://www.filmloop.com/x?BE4ewsIULLqypO/PVSl-EwzmPF3/h4Dv

2006-06-16T11:18:00.000+08:00

yeh.. me and my clarinettii!! .... jus lurve it

a walk down the sch.

2006-06-15T20:04:00.000+08:00

today. woke up early. at 730am. somemore is term break!! insane.

went back to junyuan sec. my alma mater! for band prac. hahaha. walking down the pavement. leading to sch. was still thinking. "why ar..i promised my junior go back for band prac w/o hesitating??"somemore the junior i onli see her once or twice. got her name. but is jus can't match her face. dan again " why did i go alone? usually will go wif soon mei. or else. my juniors." hahaha! i dunno wad got into me. anyway. hmm. finally reached the gates of JYSS. look at the huge blue box. 'parked' on the left, behind the gates. i can hear the radio loud and clear. malay music comiing from it. the usual security guard is not in it. i walked into the sch. gosh! i felt i was like a illegal trespasser!! hahaha. the usual denise. too scared to trespass. decided to scan ard the area. ah! finally i found the security guard. refilling water from a water tap nearby. dan signed my big name on the record book. and walked in happily. haiya. why. . why.. i sld haf jus walked in. anyway the person wun see me right?!! silly me

as i walked. pieces of memories in junyuan i remembered. the once 'bare' walkway. now filled wif lotsa art pieces done by students. gosh! they are so talented.! i see a huge piece of artwork placed together like a mosiac painting. whoa! nice!! the board of dif CCAs are nicely done up. finally i walked to the main staircase always known as the 'blue stairways'. why? cos is painted a bright blue! dan.always able to catch a glimpse of the parade square hmm. how it reminds me during post exam activities. me. katherine. soon mei. charmaine. the four of us. used to sit at the back of the staircase. lazing ard. reading our storybooks. playing uno. listening to music. hahaa. dan tok tok and squabble squabble. hahaha. mad! it was nice.

dan. up the blue stairways. hmm. more art pieces and art pieces. hmm. climbed 3 flight of stairs. haven done dat for a long long time. nowadays everytime take the lifts. jus lazzyy. hmm wah. i reached. hahaha. panting so hard. hai. an indication i sld exercise!! more exercise!! hmm. finally from far. i heard the band playin. wah usual 'noise'. loud as ever. as if they are bringing the sch down! every1 is practising at the corridor.then, i saw my clarinetists!! ah!!.. they saw me. they jus went speechless. heehee!! said hi. the junior named eunice wif the unknown face. jus came up to me. phew! lucky neva ask me guess which 1 is eunice hahaha!! she wld be so disappointed. sat down and play... and play. dan. my wacko junior came. yuzil. hahaha. we sat and chat chat.. tok about my attachments. dan to the supernaturals. their faces from smiles. becum 'twisted' when i told wad i saw in the hosps. haha! they gave me 1 word. 'Pervertic!!' heehee!!! yeh i m. jus lurve to scare them. *evil grins*

hmm. ate my lunch wif them. finally it was combine. wah. how i enjoyed time. the music wif the brass the percussion. haha.but i trying to destroy the music. i jus anyhow play. side reading. wah. hahaha. lucky the conductor 'let me off' hee. dan is time for me to go hm. eunice asked me. "will u join the competition wif us? pretty pls?!!"hmm. i realli dunno. my decision was that i wld practise. but cannot decide sld i take part in the competition. hai. i m afraid i can't make it. i got sch. my own cca. but i wanna join. hmm! anyway. i brought a clarinet home! yeh! RC 1 somemore. heehee. Whoa. m i soo lucky! i got the same clarinet! hee. No. 484!! ahh!! is the clarinet dat i used 2 yrs ago! can u believe it! some more. i used it 1st hand when my band conductor handed me like 4 yrs ago! hahaha. though it's kinda of old now. well. i missed it. whoa.

thinking of it. today is jus so wonderful!

my pals..

2006-06-14T22:07:00.001+08:00

ytd. i was jus standing on the beach. wif my frens 'writing' on the sand. i remembered how nice beaches can be. the soothing music made by the waves. little children's laughter. the sky though cloudy. but i still can see a speck of sunlight spreading across . it was jus so calm. away from the hectic sch life. hmm. well. i jus stood there, thot of wad kelly told to me.

hmm. She said "Not all frens will be by ur side for the rest of ur life". hmm. yup. it was something i seriously thot about. hmm. pple may ask y think so much. basically. i haf my views. i treasure my frens. every single 1. jus sometimes. dat i haf the chance to noe them. yet. why i cannot continue to haf them by my side? hmm. its realli sad.

but well. i haf come to live wif it. pple come and go in our lives. dat they leave beautiful footsteps in our hearts, i guess wad i can always do. onli miss them . wish dat they are safe.
hmm. to my dear pals now. i dunno how 'nice' i can be hahaha. but. sometimes i wish dat. becos of me. ur lives can alittle brighter. will i be able to?

I m Sick..but.day was Great

2006-06-13T11:42:00.000+08:00

i m jus sick since ytd. too tired. hmm. but well, not gonna deny the fact dat ytd was a great day!

hahaha... ytd went for dis leadership camp. dat in my whole life is the shortest! it lasted for only 1 day. initially. thot dat it cld be veri boring. i was ' gosh! how m i gonna last from morning till 5 pm?!! ' ... plus i had a flu. but it turns out jus great! we had some lectures wif the trainer in the morning. dat is i sld sae. it was really inspiring. we toked about who exactly we are as an individual. wif the 4 diff quadrants dat each individual belongs to.

1st quadrant: pple who jus want results in their work. works well wif others. but ultimately. jus more concern about the results. Thus, they are called the controllers.
2nd quadrant: haha.. i like dis 1. they works well wif others. dun mind wad the results wld be.jus wanna haf fun. hahaha. They are the enterainers!
3rd quadrant: these pple, they are quite hesitant in wadeva they are goin to do. works well wif others. but. well, they are hesitant becos they are sensitive wad others feel. hahaaha. they are called the supporters.
4th quadrant: hahaha! dis 1 is weird. these pple are ESPECIALLY particular about the details. for instance, their clothes in the cupboard must be in a particular order. hangers, according to colours. the pants, the shirts sld be placed according. dan .they wil get stressed up by jus arranging the clothes! but well. they aso veri result-oriented.

hmm. which quadrant wld u be in?? haha...

but after all dis. i believe i m of the 2 diff quadrants! 1 is the entertainer. well. haha. or else. i wld be the supporter. entertainer. yes. i always lurve to haf fun 1st! hahaha. but well. tsk tsk. it is not good. must change! alittle onli la. or else i be a result-oriented freak!

dan. in the afternn. hooray. it was games time. hahahaha.. it was enjoyable. jus by standing out in the sun. whoa. how i missed it! perspire like crazy. but i lurve it. i think i m insane! but its true! for past 1 yr. cooped up in the airconditioned areas. hahaha. like polar bear liddat!but well. i can onli describe the camp in 1 word. FUN!

today leh.. i m still sick lo. hai . but i goin to my fren's chalet leh. i promise le. dan i veri much wanna go! oh pls help me recover! hahaha. but i think i can la! heehee.

My story begins..

2006-06-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

its late at nite now. the outside streets are quiet. filled onli wif sounds made by the impatient raindrops hitting on the ground. everyone except me and my bro are still up. typing hard.. on the keyboard. sending mesaages acrosss to frens.

but it will neva be too late! for me to start my brand new blog! funny title. beautiful disasters. hahaha.. yeah!well i jus lurve it! haha..

of cos..kelly and shu ling! thanks for making dis blog a reality for me! haha! i sound insane. nvm! i m jus over the moon!